"She Treats Me Like a Queen" by Gillian Grable
Driving south on Georgia 42 in the summer’s heat, magenta crepe myrtle bloom next to auto body shops and the brick entrances of new subdivisions. Pink mimosa softens the edges of an abandoned industrial plant and the pine trees stand like sentries around a huge building with “Flea Market” written on the side. We turn onto a side road and several miles down sits a large nursing home where over 100 people live. We walk through the door and down the hallway with doors open and televisions blaring. Eight people are sitting with their heads nodding in front of a television in the sitting area.
“Sometimes I bring Edith stir fried rice and wonton soup – she loves it,” explains Donna, Edith’s Citizen Advocate. Donna’s face is framed by short honey colored hair and simple glasses. She carries a bag decorated with pink and coral tulips. As we walk down the hall into the cafeteria, we can smell roast beef. Donna’s hazel eyes spot Edith and with a smile on her face she leans down to give Edith a hug. Edith, with soft brown hair pulled back in a pony tail beams as Donna hands her the flowered bag. “I appreciate you thinking about me Donna,” Edith says as she pulls out books, pencils, tissues, stationery and a note pad.
“I went to high school in Atlanta but I never learned to read and write - I want to learn. We had a home in East Atlanta with a swimming pool in the back – that’s my best memory. I used to go to church with Mama – I went to her Sunday school class and Daily Vacation Bible School in the summer. I got baptized. I’m 52, the youngest of my sisters, Gail is 56 – Peggy in her 60’s.
“After I graduated I was living with Michael and cleaning the bathrooms and dining room at Wendy’s. I lived with that man for years, he drank and he beat me. After 15 years my daughter was born and it took me another 15 months to leave him and go to my mama’s. We lived on a farm in Meriwether County my daddy bought before he died. Horses, cows, chickens – he grew a vegetable garden. After Daddy died I lived there with my mother, Gail and her ex-husband. My daughter and I lived in a trailer in the back of the house. I quit taking my medication - when I stop taking my medication I try to kill myself. I asked Mama and Gail to take care of my daughter.”
Edith’s pale blue eyes rimmed in dark blue soften. “I went to live with another guy, Tony, for about two years. He was a cook in a personal care home and we lived there. He told me he loved me. Mama said, ‘They’ll tell you anything to get in your pants.’ Well the home called Gail one day and told her to come and get me. I’ve gone to the hospital 10 or 15 times. They say I just want attention – I just want to be heard. I was in the hospital when Mama died – someone brought me home for the funeral from the hospital.”
Donna describes how she got to know Edith. “My mother and dad moved in with me eight years ago – I am so glad I had that time with them. After they both died – well, work was not fulfilling for me and I heard about Edith from another advocate [who also happens to be on the Board of Directors of Citizen Advocacy of Atlanta & DeKalb, Inc. ] in my neighborhood. Her story got my attention and she was living then in a nursing home near me in East Atlanta. The nursing home smelled of urine and the people didn’t go anywhere. They pulled her front teeth in that place. Edith could walk then – she would go across the street from the nursing home to the church.
“Edith gets sent to nursing homes and personal care homes when she leaves the hospital. A few months ago Edith was living in the same personal care home she’d lived in before with Tony, but Tony is no longer there. One day the aide beat her and broke her hip.” Edith shows us her arms. “See the scars – she burnt me with cigarettes. Right after it happened I tried to call 911 but she took the phone away. Then she locked the door so no one would find out. I hollered and I think a man across the street heard me and called an ambulance. I don’t know why she did that to me. I didn’t do anything wrong.”
Edith’s hip is healing and the nurse is trying to find the support boots Edith used to walk in, left behind in the last nursing home she lived in. “The doctor I took Edith to said she would never walk again but we are going to get a second opinion. When I tried to call the personal care home to get Edith’s belongings they hung up on me.”
“The last time Edith spoke to her daughter was at Christmas. Gail won’t speak to her anymore, we’re not sure why, although Gail’s ex-husband Kenneth answers the phone sometimes. We couldn’t go to her daughter’s graduation from high school because there weren’t enough family passes. I tried to get more but couldn’t. Often with tears in her eyes she says how much she loves and misses her daughter. My few conversations with her sister lead me to understand how they feel about Edith’s condition and realize that there is little I can do to change that.”
We walk past a wall calendar announcing “Bingo at 2:30” and find Edith’s room – dark beige walls and three beds made up with light beige spreads. Edith picks up two pictures sitting on the bedside table, “I drew these, a flower and a house – can’t draw much but I used to paint watercolors. Not much to do in here – my roommates can’t talk. I like to read the Bible but I need a magnifying glass. Lord’s Prayer is my favorite part.”
Edith pulls out of her blue leather purse a birthday card signed by Gail, Gail’s ex-husband Kenneth, Edith’s daughter and grandkids, sent two months ago. The envelope is addressed to Edith at the nursing home. The card is inscribed “Hope it’s a day you’ll never forget.” Edith shows us pictures sent with the card of her family in front of their Christmas tree. “I wish I had something to put these pictures up on the wall. I have pictures of my daughter with my things at the personal care home – I wish I could have them back. When I talk to Kenneth, he’s real sweet to me, I ask him to tell my daughter that I love her. I’d like to send her some money. They say she is going to Georgia Tech in the fall.”
“Since I’m in this wheelchair I can’t get into Donna’s car but she brings me something every time she comes. She brought me flowers, a cake and balloons for my birthday. She treats me like a Queen!”
As we are walking down the hallway Edith introduces us to the nurse standing at the medicine cart. We hug Edith and as we pass out the door we turn to see her sitting in the middle of the hallway alone. Donna’s hazel eyes soften, “It is amazing how well she takes her situation as if there is no other way it can be for her. When I met her she could get up and we talked about her feet getting healed so she could walk – they had become atrophied from being contained too long in bed. Now, after a broken knee and hip injury, she has been told that she will not walk again. Edith’s got such a gift of meeting new people and introducing them to each other. She has an incredible memory. The stories are hard for me to hear, I don’t want to believe what has happened to Edith is true.”
Gillian Grable has been a Citizen Advocate and Citizen Advocacy supporter since the 1980's. She met Donna and Edith this summer traveling throughout Georgia as a Community Support Coordinator for the Institute on Human Development and Disability at the University of Georgia. (Story edited for content)
Core group of Citizen Advocacy of Atlanta & DeKalb, Inc.
Citizen Advocacy . . .
A valued citizen, who is unpaid
and independent of human services,
creates a relationship with a person
who is at risk of social exclusion.
The citizen advocate chooses one or several
of many ways to understand, respond to
and represent that person's interests
as if they were the advocate's own,
thus bringing the person's
gifts and concerns into the circles
of ordinary community life.
